This double-edged sword

Hey all. No, I'm not dead. No, I'm not ignoring blogging. In fact, for about 2 weeks every time I get online and go to my dashboard to read up on all the blogs I follow, I stare at that little button that says "new post" and try and muster up the words to speak. The problem is it's been a rough couple of weeks. Let me explain why this is such an issue.

God has blessed me with a very passionate personality. I am passionate about a lot of things. I am passionate about my sports teams. I am passionate about my family. I am passionate about my ministry. And above all I am passionate about my God. It's part of what makes me able to do what I do. I'm all about vision and desire and purpose. I can't talk about things that I'm not passionate about. I am driven by that passion. The flip side is that I have issues with doing things I'm not passionate about. I am not passionate about my part time jobs. I understand that they are important, and I devote energy to them. But I'm not passionate about them. When visitors come to our town and it's my job to direct them to businesses to help drive up the economy I struggle. I struggle to help them spend money on things that are probably not needed (or could be found cheaper elsewhere) when there are so many people in our nation and around the world who have nothing. I struggle when I hear people talk about trying to find the right piece of furniture when all I can think is I wonder if they've found a relationship with the God of the universe, and that that's the only thing that matters anyway. I struggle because that issue is number one in my mind. All other issues aren't even in the top 100 comparatively. This thought consumes me. That is my passion driving me.

But here is where my passion gets me in trouble. When something is bothering me it also can consume me. When the thing that is bothering me involves ministry, it's near impossible to hide. Recently there have been some things said that have been quite hurtful and honestly misguided. I'm not angry at anyone, I am hurt by it, but I'm certainly not going to air such things in such a public forum, that's just not bright.

But that's why I've not been writing. When I sit still, when I lay down at night, when I'm driving, any time I have a moment to think, this recent issue is what consumes me. I'm constantly talking to God trying to work it out. (and before it sounds like it's a one way issue, I know I make mistakes and one of the things I'm trying to work through is the reaction my flesh wants to take... it's getting better by the grace of God.) So I say all that to say if I ever disappear for awhile and it's not due to a trip somewhere. It simply means an event has transpired and due to my passionate nature, it's consumed me. Be patient, I will always come back.

I pray you are all well and God bless.

- The impulsive passionate one